- Light humour
RE: Light humour
akiratoriyama > 02-03-2018, 06:17 AMA Jewish man sends his son to Israel to live there for a while. Eventually he returns home and he is now a Christian. The man finds this to be odd and mentions it to his friend.
The friend listens, thinks for a moment and says, "That's odd. I sent my son to Israel as a Jew and he returned as a Christian." So the two of them went to see the Rabbi.
They told the Rabbi the story of how they had both sent their sons to Israel as Jews, and how both sons had returned as Christians. The Rabbi listened, thought for a minute and then said "That's odd. I also sent my son to Israel as a Jew and he returned as a Christian."
So the three of them decide to go to Israel to find out what's going on over there. The arrive and go straight to the Western Wall to pray. They explain to God all about how they sent their sons to Israel as Jews and how the all returned as Christians."
There is a long silence, and then God begins to speak saying, "That's odd . . . "
RE: Light humour
dino101 > 02-03-2018, 06:52 AM[Image: 4MrIOHM.jpg]
A man was brought to the hospital, and taken quickly in for emergency surgery. The operation went well, and as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed.
“Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,” said the nun, gently patting his hand.
“We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?”
“No, I’m not,” the man whispered hoarsely.
“Can you pay in cash?” persisted the nun.
“I’m afraid I cannot, Sister.”
“Well, do you have any close relatives?” the nun essayed.
“Just my sister in New York,” he volunteered. “But she’s a spinster nun.”
“Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not ‘spinsters;’ they are married to God.”
“Really…wonderful,” said Smith. “In that case, you can send the bill to my brother-in-law!"
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.
Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.
I've been finding real passion with Stacy. She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
Love, your son, Joshua.
P.S . Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home!
RE: Light humour
browneylad > 02-03-2018, 02:56 PM
RE: Light humour
dino101 > 02-07-2018, 06:57 AM[Image: U3ASP.jpg]
God called a meeting of George Bush, Tony Blair and Bill Gates. ‘I’ve given you all the tools you needed to make a better world,’ says God. ‘But you’ve failed and I’m ending the world in two weeks.’
Bush goes on TV and says, ‘I have good news and bad news. The good news is that God exists. The bad news is that the world will end in two weeks.’
Tony Blair says, ‘I have bad news and really bad news. The bad news is that God is really annoyed. The really bad news is he’s going to destroy us.
Bill Gates calls his workers together and says, ‘I have good news and great news. The good news is that God thinks I’m one of the three most powerful people in the world. The great news is that we don't have to fix the bugs in the new Windows package
Funniest Letter Ever:
Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his
mother was making dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this
was a good time to tell his mother what he
Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.
Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.
He had gotten into trouble at school and at
Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he
deserved to get a bike for his birthday.
Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.
Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his
behavior over the last year.
Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how
you have behaved this year.
Then write a letter to God and tell him why you
deserve a bike for your birthday.
Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room
and sat down to write God a letter.
I have been a very good boy this year and I
would like a bike for my birthday.
I want a red one.
Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not
been a very good boy this year, So he tore up
the letter and started over.
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good
boy this year and I would like
A red bike for my birthday. Thank you.
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he
tore up the letter and started again.
I have been an OK boy this year. I still would
really like a bike for my birthday.
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God
either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am
I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike
for my birthday.
Please! Thank you,
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was
not going to get him a bike. Now, Bobby was
very upset. He went downstairs and told his
mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's
mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby
looked very sad. ''Just be home in time for
dinner'', Bobby's mother told him. Bobby walked
down the street to the church on the corner.
Little Bobby went into the church and up to the
altar. He looked around to see if anyone was
there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue
of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his
shirt and ran out of the church, down the street,
into the house, and up to his room. He shut the
door to his room and sat down with a piece of
paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his letter
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT
TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.”
Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.”
Holmes said: “and what do you deduce from that?”
Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.”
And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”
EVOLUTION OF MAN
ANOTHER MIRACLE HAPPENED
not a joke but a true story...Winston Churchill...was at a diner party and woman came up to him and said...
Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea.
Churchill: if I were your husband, I'd drink it."