Light humour

[Dino101]

Couple of decades ago, one of the husbands was working abroad and wrote a letter to his wife.
He wrote:

My dear love,
A lot of love from me. In this month, I've sent 100 kisses instead of salary.
Please take them. With love,
your love.

Wife replied:

I've taken all the love sent by you as well as the kisses.
The driver took 2 of them.
Pinky's tutor asked for 7.
The milkman didn't convince at 7, so gotta give him 9.
The laundry boy takes 5 daily.
And, the landlord doesn't only convince with kisses, need to give him your loves too.

You don't worry. If kisses and love came short, I'll borrow from someone.

With love,
Your love.

:rofl:

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A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.

"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

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A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw."

From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying bas@#rd!"

"Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."

"You tightwad!" blurts the spectator.

"Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill."

"You cheap son of a... " the spectator starts to shout.

The judge thunders back, " I will hold you in contempt! What is the reason for your outbursts?"

"I've lived next to that lying bas@#rd for 10 years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one?"

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A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well.
One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the Circumstances, and asked him the following Questions:

Have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.
No, I mean what is the foundation of this

case?
It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand.

Does either of you have a real grudge?
No, we have carport, and not need one.
I mean what are your relations like?

All my relations still in Poland .

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD
player.

Does your wife beat you up?
No, I always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger?
No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.

What makes you think that?
I got proof.
What kind of proof?

She going to poison me.

She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.
I can read English pretty good, and it say:
" Regular POLISH REMOVER"

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Teacher: Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up.

*Nobody stands up*

Teacher: I'm sure there are some stupid students over here.

*Little Johnny stands up*

Teacher: Ohhh, Johnny you think you're stupid?

Little Johnny: No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone...


:lol:

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A priest offered a lift to a lady. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,”Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But,changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

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Husband - Darling, years ago you had a figure like coke bottle.

Wife - Yes darling, I still do, only a difference is - earlier it was 300 ml now it's 1.5 lt

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A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:

1. Not everyone who sh1ts on you is your enemy
2. Not everyone who gets you out of sh1t is your friend
3. And when you’re in deep sh1t, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!!!

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